Ashley Hesseltine

I was 18 when I programmed my first “Do Not Answer” in my pink Qualcomm cell phone. I had just been sneak-attacked by a needy dude I phased out a few weeks prior, and he was calling me from the hospital…where he had just gotten a bunion removed. I can’t even. Over the years, I’ve … Read more

When you wake up on a bachelorette weekend and hear a strange dude’s voice say, “I can’t find my pants,” you know it’s going to be a good day. As is what happened this past Saturday morning in Vail. One of the single ladies (my hero) brought home a 25-year-old fella from the bar who … Read more

When I saw this Amy Schumer clip titled “Sluttiest Friend” (probably NSFW), I couldn’t not check it out. Oh, you think that’s me admitting I’m the slutty friend? Come on, you guys. I’m 30 now. And my family reads this. (Just don’t ask my college roommates.) Every group of 20-something women has the slutty friend … Read more

After drooling over my BFF (blogger friend forever) Becky’s post on mint obsessions a while back, it’s only fitting that she’s guest blogging today on glorious green must-haves in honor of the upcoming holiday (and how to land a second date)… Hello Witty + Pretty readers, it’s Becky from The Pumpkin Spot! I’m so excited to … Read more

The best things come in small packages. Except when it comes to boys, booze, and cell phone plans. And I think it’s about time I get myself the #1 stunner of small packages–a Rebecca Minkoff mini bag–so I can stop having a physical, eyes-glazing-over, “I MUST HAVE THAT” reaction every time I see one in … Read more

Happy almost-holiday, leprechaun lovers! I’m heading to Charleston this weekend for my college bestie’s 30th (and one helluva St. Patty’s street party on Sullivan’s Island), so I’m reposting the guest blog I did on my BFF (blogger friend forever) Becky’s rad site, The Pumpkin Spot, because I have more pressing matters at the moment than … Read more

Some things…you should never question where they came from: A free drink from the bartender, a five-pound weight loss when you haven’t been exercising or dieting, a 70% sale on designer shoes, random orgasm during spinning. (Psst, does that last one really happen because sadly, I’ve never experienced it?) But anyway. I recently had a … Read more

Carrie Bradshaw once said, “I like my money right where I can see it: Hanging in my closet.” I say, “I like my empty booze bottles right where I can see them: In my outgoing text log.” (Seriously, if drunk texting was an Olympic sport, I’d be Ryan Lochte–I may say some dumb sh*t, but … Read more

Have you guys been DYING to know what I want for Christmas all week long!? No? Okay, fair enough, but I’m going to tell you anyway.  There are about 3.5 things on this list that I’ll actually receive and the rest are aspirational (ie. I’ll just have to wait until Valentine’s Day (HA, yeah right), my … Read more