What a week, friends! Miley Cyrus got impregnated by a sledgehammer, we all found out that “epic” twerking video was fake (DUH), and I spent four hours in the Atlanta municipal court for a minor traffic violation (#GoodTimes). Here’s everything else that went down:
1. This breaking story from The Onion nails it: “Man Puts Glass Of Water On Bedside Table In Case He Needs To Make Huge Mess In Middle Of Night.”
This happened to me just last Saturday night; I didn’t clean it up in the middle of the night (duh), then woke up Sunday morning and stepped into a puddle of water when I got out of bed. Nothing starts your day on a better foot.
2. So there’s a tiger with Down’s Syndrome…and his name is Kenny Rogers (seriously). Apparently, lots of white tigers have issues because they’re inbred, but Kenny is the first one with such a multitude of conditions. 
Okay, breeders, that’s enough. If we only see orange tigers for the rest of our lives, I’m sure most of us will live. End the inbreeding.
3. Our male blogger Tough Love Tom comes up with a Syria solution.
Sounds like a plan to me.
4. The angriest customer service meltdown of all time. This tape leaked (unless it’s another Jimmy Kimmel prank), and it’s a doozy for sure. You may even start to feel a little uncomfortable (or scared) at how crazy angry this dude gets (NSFW).
Although my favorite customer service call is still (and always will be) this one:
5. Mumford & Sons got kicked out of a strip club.
That’s right. After their show on Tuesday night (which was amazing, btw), the folk-crooning, seemingly sweet band responsible for amazing videos like this got kicked out of Atlanta’s Clermont Lounge for knife fighting and trying to snort Molly off dancer Blondie’s famous, beer-crushing breasts.
Or something like that.
Cheers to the freakin’ weekend!
LYLAS,
Ashley