It’s that time again–a list of things that are perfectly acceptable in life. I’ve covered the Olympics (and have since taken back my crush on Ryan Lochte); Facebook (and probably pissed off some new moms), and now I’m moving on to something most of us can relate to: Working out. I actually enjoy working out (thanks to Flywheel) and went a little overboard with this, so Friday 5 is actually going to be Friday 15. Hope you don’t mind.
And now, it’s totally acceptable if…
1. You see a girl at the gym with her hair down, full makeup, and a teeny tiny outfit and think she should be asked to leave.
2. You wonder why after one really sweaty, kickass workout, you’re not slipping right into your skinny jeans. And get pissed.
3. You literally want to punch girls in the face who have perfect bodies and say they “don’t really work out.” Then ask God why?
4. You don’t make it to a fitness class on time due to traffic/unforeseen circumstances, so you call your friend…and see if she wants to go eat.
5. You’re scared of hot yoga, because no matter what people say, you WILL be that person to pass out.
6. After you retrieve your car on a hungover Saturday or Sunday morning and all you can think about is getting home and back into bed, you see people running…and think about swerving to teach them a lesson.
7. You consider sex with a partner a workout. (It legitimately is, by the way.)
8. You consider sex with yourself a workout just because you get a little hot. (It’s not, by the way.)
9. You have never done a 6 a.m. workout in your entire life and probably never will.
10. There’s a puddle under your bike at Flywheel/spinning on Saturday or Sunday morning…and you know it’s all vodka.
11. You go straight from the gym to happy hour and start boozing. It cancels out, duh. And if someone dares to tell you otherwise, they’re getting a margarita on the crotch.
12. You think it’s a little ridiculous when people say they’re training for a walk. Like, you’re always training for a walk. It’s called life.
13. You put on workout clothes to wear for the day even if you know you’re not going to make it to the gym. It’s called wishful thinking. Plus…your workout clothes are cute.
14. You’re still not quite sure why people pay for Zumba. Like, can’t you just put on your booty shaking playlist and do that at home…for free?
15. If any guy you date ever references, points to, or grabs your problem area(s), he will get a totally justified knee in the balls.
Am I right or am I right just a bitch? And of course, no offense to Susan G. and all those serious walkers out there.
Happy weekend (and working out), everyone!
LYLAS,
Ashley