Somewhere along the lineage of American history, white girls people thought it would be a good idea to celebrate their birthdays in restaurants with literally everyone they knew in order to feel popular and validated and make innocent servers want to blow their brains out. And listen, I’ve been guilty of this — I remember … Read more
You may still be recovering from the news bomb last week about TARGET SERVING ALCOHOL. For those of you I’m breaking this information to, stop hyperventilating and put down your car keys because you can’t just head to your local Target and get wine drunk right now, ok? It’s only in the very beginning stages … Read more
Girls are notorious for being late. And no I don’t mean ALL girls so you punctual bitches can refrain from being offended and/or typing out a comment detailing your punctuality and how it’s equated to your superior success so all of us late assholes can feel like loser pieces of shit. Because we already feel … Read more
After one of my best friends did a SEXY AF boudoir photo shoot before her wedding, a few of us got to chatting about this rite of passage (would I do one? UM, DUH). And after a few gallons glasses of wine, we had a thought: What if men did these? Cue the uncontrollable laughter … Read more
Remember when this was an acceptable pool float? LOL Showing up to a pool party with one of those busted yoga mats these days is like a dude breaking out a Samsung flip phone to get a girl’s number. Sure it can be endearing (ish?), but bottom line: NOPE. Just like mobile phones, workout classes, … Read more
There’s a cute little political movement happening amongst Trump-supporters/Anti-Hillary-crazies this week that has fully amused me and a lot of my (intelligent) friends: BOYCOTT STARBUCKS BECAUSE THEY SUPPORT HILLARY!!! I originally saw this OUTRAGE from one of my Facebook friends and decided to smear a steaming pile of sarcasm on the otherwise supportive comment thread (my since-deleted … Read more
My name is Ashley and I’m a recovering aggressive teeth brusher. This should come as no shock as I’m an aggressive driver, aggressive shopper, aggressive coffee drinker, aggressive Emoji user, aggressive Flywheeler…I mean, the list goes on and on. I’m really serious about my teeth (floss daily, have been using Tom’s toothpaste my ENTIRE LIFE) … Read more
Joy to the world! Merry Christmas! God rest ye’ merry gentlemen (and women)! This is the post that I guest blogged on The Pumpkin Spot (yes, awesome editor Becky let me spew my nonsense on her lovely site, which you should check out), so I figured I may as well post it up here, too. … Read more
You know the dilemma white girl problem: You have an important date/event/lingerie photo shoot within the next 12 hours and just realized you look like a member of the Cullen family…except you don’t have their disgustingly perfect looks to pull it off (no offense). If only there was a spray tan you could get and shower … Read more
No one likes waking up with wild, nappy, tangled bed head. Well, unless you’re really hungover because then it makes for a hilarious Snapchat. (Okay, so I don’t use Snapchat, but I assume that’s what it’s for.) I used to be hesitant to sleep with my hair up, but now (after consulting numerous experts to … Read more