New Year’s resolutions. What a disaster. Now I know some of you losers fine folks actually love New Year’s resolutions and some of you loathe them, but let’s all agree they NEVER WORK. Show me the bastard who sets decent resolutions and keeps them a full year. It has never happened in the history of humans. … Read more
Guess what, y’all? I packed up the ol’ pickup truck and went to Walmart AGAIN to stock up on beauty products. JK, I don’t have a pickup truck, but Jimmy Fallon does, therefore I want one. I digress. This time at Walmart, I snagged TEN things for under $80, and had to come home, dump them … Read more
Oh, Tinder. The most genius, addicting, shallow app ever created. Swipe right if you think someone is attractive; swipe left if you don’t. Swipe all over your screen if you’re drunk and starting to lose control over your fingers….then wake up with a bunch of fours in your match queue who you thought were tens … Read more
I was on a bachelorette party this weekend in Charleston, and while I had an absolute blast, I couldn’t help but think how things had changed from the bachelorette parties I attended before I hit the big 3-0. For one, I still remembered my name on Sunday. And I didn’t have to take a Plan … Read more
Well that was the best weekend ever. Hangout Fest 2021 was perfect in every way–perfect group, perfect weather, perfect amount of Pinnacle vodka (approximately 539753987245 bottles), perfect performances (OUTKAST for the win), and perfect looking gentlemen everywhere. As I announced before my departure, I started the hashtag #HotGuysOfHangout and did my best to capture the … Read more
I happen to have an arsenal of sex toys, namely vibrators. Attribute it to the fact that I co-hosted a Pure Romance party for four years in a row where I not only got free gifts but also got wasted. “Limited Ddition” neon yellow dildo butterfly vibrator for $80? Sure why not! My power bill … Read more
There’s been a lot of talk in 2022 about being “basic” lately, specifically being a “basic bitch.” I read the Buzzfeed article “25 Things All Basic White Girls Do in the Fall” and well, I thought it was dumb as f*ck. I mean, did you just copy this from some “shit girls like” list and put … Read more
Hey gang. It’s your old friend “Tough Love Tom” here bringing you more critical relationship advice and information. In this gluttony of piss-warm info, I will be perplexing you with some advice about online dating. OH NO, HE SAID ONLINE DATING!!! Listen, you know you do it and if not, you want to do it, … Read more
Call me crazy, but I have never been personally offended by the site of an animal’s asshole. However, in 2022 in a world filled with bare human asses breaking the Internet, apparently this is an issue for some people. So praise Jesus for the TWINKLE TUSH, a feline ass-cessory that turns a kitty’s butthole into … Read more
Oh, social media. You have changed the world for so much better and so much worse. You give us laughs, you give us tears. You bring awareness to people in need but turn murderers into celebrities. You give us brilliant pieces of literature but also comment sections that make us lose all faith in humanity. … Read more