Ashley Hesseltine

Watch this hot mess. (Sorry it starts playing automatically. Just hit the play arrow and wait out the commercial.) Ok. So. 1. SHE HAS HER DAMN CELL PHONE ON STAGE WITH HER. Picture having your cell phone on the table at a really fancy restaurant and then multiply that trashy factor by 65. But then … Read more

My good friend and genetically #blessed male specimen Tribble Reese (you may recognize him from Bravo’s The New Atlanta) is the king of what we like to call……the #LipSyncSelfie. Every time he posts a snippet on Instagram, W+P blogger Trey is jealous, females everywhere get lady boners, and his 98293729847897349 Instagram followers go bananas. Well ol’ Tribbs … Read more

What do women want? The age-old question men ask themselves…and women probably ask themselves even more. Also, a Mel Gibson movie (that was FOURTEEN YEARS AGO by the way, FML). But this revolutionary new service out of San Fran (obvi), is attempting to give women EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT. And it’s not a stripper’s oversized penis … Read more

Jennifer Lopez’s “Booty” video is out, and I didn’t think this was possible, but it has MORE ASS THAN THE “ANACONDA” VIDEO. There are no pineapples spinning on record players, pink hand weights, or Drake’s boner; just J. Lo and I.G.G.Y’s ass cheeks, a lot of lube (plus EOS lip balm because product placement?), and a … Read more

Because I know how to Ask Jeeves, I discovered that there are a handful of other “LOL FUNNIEST INSTAGRAMS TO FOLLOW” articles out there, but fuck them because this is the best one, I promise you that. (That was a test. If you’re offended by my language, this article probably isn’t for you.) Before we … Read more

If “Anaconda” comes on the radio, I immediately turn the station. If the video comes on MTV, I immediately change the channel. JK LOL like MTV actually plays music videos LMAO! But seriously…can’t stand the “song,” obviously can’t take the video (remember?), but this dance school performing choreography by Tricia Miranda (my new idol), might … Read more

Neutral-colored brassieres and undies in the spring/summer? No thanks. The sun is shining bright and our lovely lady lumps should be shining brighter. What? Let it be known (everyone already knows) that I love to show my bra. Not in a slutty, side-boob, DTF kinda’ way, but in a subtle, sheer-shirt-with-bright-or-black-bra-underneath fashion. We are all … Read more

You guys, I hate being hot. Don’t get me wrong—I love the beach, patio drinking (duh), and frolicking in the sunshine, but I loathe being sweaty, swamp ass-y, shiny-faced, frizzy-haired, and swollen. Also, sometimes when I get too hot, I almost pass out. One time I was in the shower with my ex and things … Read more