This standup bit from female comedian Iliza Shlesinger (who Total Sorority Move dismissively refers to as “this girl”) has been making the rounds this week because as TSM says, she so “hilariously describes why girls freaking hate each other.”
I happened to see it for the first time whilst on a hysterical (and very NSFW) email chain with five of my girlfriends I was meeting for an #EPIC catch-up session/wine fest that evening. And I was probably on another girlfriend group text with a lot of eggplant Emojis. What?
And I just have to say…
Sorry Iliza and all the girls who shared this video on FB with “OMG so true!”, but I don’t “freaking hate” my girlfriends. In fact, I “love” my girlfriends. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve felt an overwhelming sense of being so hashtag #BLESSED to have the most incredible girlfriends from all stages of my life–childhood, college, early twenties, rehab, “adulthood.” We love each other. We genuinely support and are happy when good things happen to each other. We enjoy each other’s company (drunk or not). We make each other laugh ’til we pee cry. We are there for each other. We don’t talk about one another behind our backs. We get each other through bad times and go all out celebrating the good times. We are true friends.
That’s not to say I haven’t had a few backstabbing bitches in my past, but that’s why they’re in the past. And I have to say–as you get older, you should have a good sense of the type of person someone is after hanging out with her once or twice. Dishonesty and jealousy shine through even the prettiest eyes.
So if you have a bunch of shitty, catty girlfriends who “hate each other,” that probably means you are a shitty, catty girlfriend (no offense), because you get what you give (it’s this thing called the law of attraction; Ask Jeeves about it). And those girls who say “I don’t really have girlfriends,” or “I just don’t get along that well with girls; I’m more of a guy’s girl,” are the scariest. Yes, they are in fact guys’ girls. Because they will probably sleep with your guy.
I know this was a standup bit and meant to be taken lightly (for the record, I did laugh at the other jokes in the video and think Iliza is a talented comic), but this just struck a chord and gave me a relevant opportunity to express feelings I’ve always had. If you “freaking hate” your girlfriends, A) Maybe you should get some new ones, and B) Take a look at the type of friend you are. And if you “love” your girlfriends, you’re one of the #blessed ones.
LYLAS,
Ashley
PS, I haven’t actually been in rehab (yet).