Hey girls. If you think spending four hours on your hair, makeup, and picking out a slutty sexy outfit, then standing in a bar/club with resting bitch face and sipping a fancy martini is going to attract Prince Charming, you’re doing it wrong.
(For the record, you may attract Prince Douchebag. He is definitely not hard to find.)
This article in Time breaks it down, and while some of it may seem like common sense (or not), it really reiterates what works when it comes to the art of flirtation.
A couple takeaways:
1. It’s not all about looks. Sure, someone needs to find you attractive to date you, but it’s “signaling interest” with universal, proven techniques like smiling and eye contact that makes you more attractive and draws someone to you. This explains why when you’re on a beach vacay (or um, at a festival) and wearing casual clothing with undone hair and smiling/laughing all carefree-like with your friends, you’re attractive to the opposite sex. When you’re worried you have a hair out of place or need to reapply lipstick, you’re not signaling interest and availability; you’re signaling insecurity.
And if you lock eyes with a potential mate (say, across the bar), always hold it two seconds longer than you think you should so they know you’re actually looking at them, not just glancing. And smile so you don’t look like a creeper.
2. Touching is major. If I instinctively reach out to touch a guy’s arm, I know I’m attracted to him. And if a guy does the same to me (or especially if he touches my waist area), I’m like, “Oh, should we make out now?” Just kidding (maybe). And for the record, shoulder pushes (or punches, ew) are for the friend zone. Stick with a lighter touch on the shoulder, forearm, or waist. Then there’s what the article calls going “nuclear,” which is the face touch. I have been known to touch guys’ faces in a joking manner (if they have a beard to stroke, you’re golden), and it never seems to disappoint.
3. Send the right signals. For women, it’s been proven with overwhelming evidence that the best way to land a dude is “establish that you’re hard to get in general, but very enthusiastic about the person you’re with.” This means show confidence, that you lead a fun, busy life, and aren’t desperate for a relationship/husband/family, BUT don’t act like a bitch. Females can easily confuse playing “hard to get” with acting too cool/aloof, which can easily translate to “uninterested.” If a dude thinks you’re not digging him, he’ll move on to the smiling female who will boost his ego give him the time of day.
This video by The Young Turks (and my girl crush Ana Kasparian) also dissects the article if you have a few minutes to spare.
So trade in the blowout and Bodycon dress for a genuine smile and arm touch. You can thank science later.
LYLAS,
Ashley