When I read this article titled “Half-Marathon Runner Passes Time On Her Run by Taking Selfies With Hot Guys“, I was like, WAIT A MINUTE. Half-marathon? I do those! Selfies? I do those, too! Hot guys? Of course I do those!
And with the Georgia Marathon/Half-Marathon just a few days away, I knew it was fate intervening. I was going to have to selfie for 13.1 miles. I put it out there on social media–“Anyone have an extra bib number so I can follow in this glorious girl’s footsteps (literally)?”
Aaaaand crickets.
So, being the rule breaker I am, I ran it anyway.* And I have to say…while I set out on my selfie journey, I realized just how impressive that chick is, and I want to know her strategy of how she pinpointed all those certified hotties then ran up in front of them and snapped a CLEAR picture whilst in motion!? I mean, one thing that made it easier is that she was in NYC and there are hotter guys in the Northeast so the odds were in her favor. YEAH I SAID IT.
I decided to make my selfie half-marathon more about the experience (mainly because I don’t have her mad skillz).
Behold, the Georgia Half-Marathon in 20 selfies:
1. The ‘Waiting to Start the Race in a Corral You Snuck Into Because You Don’t Have a Bib Number’ Selfie 
And a #RestingBitchFace behind me.
2. The ‘Just Put My Earphones In and Started Blasting Zedd into my Eardrums’ Selfie
3. The ‘Have to Stop and Take a Picture of the Skyline at Sunrise Because When Else Are You Ever Up This Early’ Selfie
4. The ‘Bored as Fuck Rent-a-Cop’ Selfie
5. The ‘Thank God I Went to the Bathroom Right Before the Race Started Because Those Porta Potties are EW!‘ Selfie
Also, a ‘Barely a Selfie’ Selfie.
6. The ‘OMG My Friend Is Handing Out Water!!!’ Selfie
7. The ‘This Sweaty Shirtless Dude Is About to Rape My Arm With His Arm’ Selfie 
8. The ‘NFL Cheerleaders are Cheering Just for Me’ Selfie
9. The ‘Stop and See Your Friends at Atlanta Activewear/Fellow Blogger’ Selfie (thanks for the Advil, @yogainheels)
10. The ‘Mile 8, Should I Just Stop Right Now and Drink?” Selfie
Unfortunately, I kept going. FML.
11. The ‘Holy Shit Best Dog Ever/I Might Cry/Beethoven, Is That You?’ Selfie
12. The ‘OMFG There are Two of Them’ Selfie
I can’t even.
13. The ‘Please Rescue Me’ Selfie
When I was running by, one of the firemen said, “Get that beach body, girl!” And I was all, Shit I am going to the beach in two weeks. Then took off limping sprinting.
14. The ‘Equality/Remember When Everyone Made This Their Facebook Profile Pic?’ Selfie
And speaking of…
15. The ‘Atlanta’s Iconic Street Performer Baton Bob‘ Selfie
A.K.A. The #BlowTheWhistle Selfie. (And is that necklace Stella & Dot?)
16. The ‘If I Don’t Stop and Stretch/Walk, My Knees Will Literally Break’ Selfie
A.K.A The #ThisIs30 Selfie
17. The ‘This is Too Big For My Mouth’ Selfie 
A.K.A The ‘That’s What She Said’ Selfie
18. The ‘Only Hot Guy I Could Snap a Decent Picture Of’ Selfie
19. The ‘Is This Shit Over Yet?’ Selfie
20. The Finish Line #LipSyncSelfie
And a special bonus….
The ‘I Parked My Car on the Street in Downtown Atlanta and It Didn’t Get Broken Into’ Selfie
Now THAT is the major win of the day.
If you want to know how I did, I finished in about 2:20 (in my previous half-marathons, I did 2:05 and 2:11). I had plenty of energy, but my knees were screaming at me from mile 7 on (because I didn’t train and I’m 30 now), so I had to take some stretching and walking breaks (and of course, that Advil and near champagne break). Afterward, I crushed brunch at Parish, then laid on the couch, iced my knees, and watched CrazySexyCool: The TLC Story on VH1, which is basically my favorite movie now.
‘Til the next selfie journey…
LYLAS,
Ashley
*And to all the folks who have too much time on their hands and posted ridiculous hate comments below, trolled me on social media, etc,: A) Thanks for the pageviews. B) Here you go. Enjoy.