But that’s just me. As for who CAN control herself, it’s our health + fitness expert Cara Weaver, here to talk about portion control (she covered this in her Healthy 101 seminar last week), and we snapped some fun (or in some cases, depressing) photos of serving sizes. Let’s dig in!

The growth in Americans’ waist sizes are directly linked to the growth in portion sizes! We are over-served everywhere we go, even at “healthy” venues. Too much of a good thing is true, so no matter how clean we eat, we have to understand how much is enough for our OWN bodies!

And just as important as controlling the amount on the plate/bowl (or wine glass!) is knowing the nutritional value of each serving size so you can quickly assess what your meal or snack should be made up of. I’m also working on a list of fat-burning foods for release later this year.

Let’s check out some common eats:

Boar’s Head turkey breast | 2 oz. serving = 60 calories, 0 g carbs, 1 g fat, 13 g protein

A serving is a pretty decent amount, and look at those waistline-friendly stats! This is definitely enough for a sandwich (or a quick, high-protein snack) and you could use a little more than the serving size if you aren’t pairing it with a bunch of cheese, mayo, etc. Just watch for sodium; I often get the low-sodium selection.

Sabra roasted garlic hummus | 2 tbsp. serving = 70 calories, 5 g carbs, 5 g fat, 2 g protein

While hummus has 5 g fat, only 1 g is saturated, so it’s definitely not bad for you. It’s a great snack with veggies–the problem is that we tend to go overboard with crackers or those to-die-for baked pita chips. Bottom line: Chow down, but in moderation. (Also, that portion size should be a tad larger–looks like Ashley took a few chip dips.)

Newman’s Own Lite Italian dressing | 2 tbsp. serving = 60 calories, 1 g carbs, 6 g fat, 0 g protein

Look at that teeny-tiny pour! Salad dressing can ruin the skinny factor of a healthy salad in an instant. I recommend making your own (or using extra virgin olive oil, vinegar, salt, and pepper) or just a drizzle of store-bought dressing.

The stats of this dressing certainly aren’t bad, but just be aware of how much you’re using. And the key is tossing it really well–putting your salad in a covered container (a la Whole Foods), drizzling some dressing on it, and shaking it like a Polaroid picture (but harder) is the key for coating every last piece of lettuce.

And now…..the one you’ve all been dreading:

Tostitos Crispy Rounds tortilla chips | 28 g serving = 140 calories, 18 g carbs, 7 g fat, 2 g protein
Tostitos medium chunky salsa | TWO 2 tbsp. servings = 20 calories, 2 g carbs, 0 g fat, 0 g protein

Yes, ladies and gents, that is a whole 13 CHIPS!

And we did two servings of salsa because who has ever eaten one serving of salsa in life? No one. Salsa is fine and dandy to eat anytime (it can be nutritious, especially if it’s homemade), but the chips and their empty, vicious calories will get you (especially those greasy restaurant ones).

We discussed the portion control tactic of limiting your salsa (4 tbsp. in this case) then quitting your chip intake when the salsa is gone.

Which still made some people very upset…

Kashi Go Lean Crunch | 1 c. serving = 200 calories, 38 g carbs, 3 g fat, 9 g protein

A cup is a pretty large serving size (read: if you’re having two bowls every morning and can’t seem to lose those extra lbs, this could be a culprit). With some skim milk and berries, this is a healthy meal, PLUS a serving has 8 g of good-for-you fiber.

Just don’t plop down with your Kashi box in front of the Kardashians or you’ll be looking like Kim K. (when she was preggers) in no time.

And saving the best for last…

Wine | 5 oz. pour = 125 calories, 4 g carbs, less than 1 g protein and fat

A 5 oz. pour is not too shabby! Wine can vary by a few cals depending on type, but the stats above are almost always accurate for both reds and whites. I don’t have to tell you these are empty calories, but it’s also my adult beverage of choice, so I’m willing to soak ‘em up then burn ‘em off on the reg (click here for how exactly to do that).

In case anyone is wondering, there are about 25 oz. in a bottle of wine, so if you polish it all off yourself (hey, it happens!), that’s 625 calories and 20ish g carbs, which is still about 220 calories less than a Chick-fil-a #1 meal (classic sandwich + medium waffle fries). SCORE (sorta’).

And if you’re a champagne drinker, you’re in luck! For the same size pour of bubbly, it’s only 90-100 calories and 2ish g carbs.

Here’s what Ashley thinks about that:

And now…

Tips for keeping eating under control at home: 

• Don’t eat standing up or in front of media (TV, computer, iPhone).
• Don’t eat out of the bag, box, or jar!
• Eat when you are hungry. If you wait too long for your “meal time,” you will graze before and/or dive into a larger meal when it is finally time to eat.
• Don’t graze (snack) while cooking or feeding children.
• Don’t put family-style dinners out where extra servings are in your face (you can make exceptions for holidays).
• Slow down eating and enjoy each bite. (Parent tip: This is a great thing to teach kids now before they shovel it in like we often do.)
• Drink lots of water. A glass before the meal is a great way to go in less hungry and help slow your roll.

And when you’re out:

• Cut your meal in half. It’s easier said than done, but if you know you’ll be able to enjoy it a few hours later, it helps (great for work lunches when you can have leftovers for dinner).
• Don’t try to eat the same portions as the person you are with just because they are. If you require less food, then eat less food!
• Put just one small slice of bread from the basket on your plate and eat it slowly (if you must eat it at all!). Count out 10-12 chips at Mexican restaurants and don’t grab from the bowl. (Again, these are just strict guidelines, as we know “some people” could never adhere to this one.)
• Don’t be shy about sharing a meal or ordering an appetizer and salad as a main dish. Your health and body goals are more important than any smart ass comments that might come from bigger eaters at the table.
• Drinking water and slowing down to enjoy each bite apply here, too!
• Get up and go to the restroom about halfway through your meal. Standing up and taking a deep breath, stretching and taking a minute away from conversation and influences of others to assess how full you are is a great way to listen to your body. You may go back to the table and be ready to push the plate to the side and ask for a box or share with someone eyeing your meal (like if you dine with Ashley).

Enjoy, contact (or Tweet!) me with questions, and take control of your plate (and wine glass),
Cara

*
Check out Cara’s site for health and fitness awesomeness, sign up for the email list to receive updates (including the next Healthy 101 seminar), and take one of her badass classes at Flywheel Atlanta! 

The post Cara Weaver’s Most Nutritious Meal & Snack Ideas [Updated for 2022] appeared first on Witty + Pretty.

It’s like, are you human?

Well get ready to meet one in real life: Cara Weaver, Witty + Pretty’s newest contributor!

She’ll be posting regularly on all things fitness and health, like the rights and wrongs of basic exercises (don’t worry, we have pictures), what the hell certain fitness crazes are about (Prancercise, anyone?), healthy eating habits (and ones you can realistically accomplish), the best tunes for your workout playlist (she knows her sh*t), workout gear no-nos (visible crotch sweat is never a good look), and much more.

But before we jump into all that juicy goodness, check out her Q&A and get excited for more to come from this fierce female!

You have a rockin’ bod and we’re going to learn a lot more about how you maintain it, but in short, what’s your health mantra? And please don’t say “good genes.”  Obviously, you have that going for you. 
I believe in finding what works for YOU and finding a way to make it become a habit so you stick to it no matter what life throws at you. There are tons of great diet books and plans, workout classes, philosophies, and programs to adopt but until you really understand what your body needs and how it works on a basic scientific level, then those become a crutch that won’t hold up when you get busy or bored…which we all do!

So true. Luckily, I have found a workout I love and you just so happen to be an instructor! What’s your favorite part of being a Flywheel AND Flybarre instructor?
It’s the best job in the world…helping people get sweaty and feel really great about themselves physically and mentally!  I also really love to dance and listen to music so it is a perfect combination of my favorite hobbies.

I know you drink (or we probably wouldn’t be friends). Share your stance on booze.
I don’t take down Jager bombs or frozen daiquiris but I do love to socialize with a beverage in hand (or not socialize with a beverage in hand). I stick to red wine most always, but I like a cold light beer (in the bottle only because I’m a snob) and a clean tasting (not sour) margarita on the rocks every so often.

That’s what I like to hear. So you consult and health coach people. What is the main issue  you see people struggle with the most?
Most people are just tired of not knowing, not understanding what to eat or what “healthy” is anymore with all of the information and philosophies out there. It’s daunting! They have tried tons of books and programs but always find themselves back to their default way of eating because it is what they KNOW!  I have found that once I help them change what they know, their default way of eating becomes healthier and change naturally happens. This is the first step!

Can’t wait to get into that more. But speaking of eating…what’s your weakness? 
I have a huge weakness for granola, chocolate chip cookies, and cereal.  I can and will eat the entire bag/box in a day if it’s in my house.

Mmm, cookies. What’s on your playlist right now for working out?
I do love all types of music from oldies to hip-hop or house, but when it comes to motivating people to get sweaty, pop, hip-hop and dubstep get the room fired up and the energy booming! Right now I am listening (and teaching) to Imagine Dragons (“Radioactive“), Bruno Mars (“Treasures” remix), Skrillex, Baauer, Ludacris, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, and Rihanna of course!
*Check out Cara’s Spotify playlists!

Love all of it. Switching gears–what’s your favorite body part of your own? I love my shoulders and arms, and I say that proudly after many many years hating on them (like we all do for some part of our bodies).  In high school, I had a guy tell me I was “jacked” and the weight-training coach tell me I should think about being a body builder…and I was 16 or 17!  That very day, I stopped bench pressing with the boys and didn’t touch a weight again for seven years. I hated how muscular I was and didn’t embrace it as beautiful until my mid-late 20s.

Well you have the best arms and shoulders in town so I’m glad you embraced them! What are the main foods in your regular diet?
Every three days I hit the grocery for the following items: Lettuce, tomatoes, chicken or turkey, green pepper, rice chips or crackers, salsa, and red wine (not a food but something that requires the trip to the store and sometimes the only thing I need more of!).

It’s a necessity for sure. Aside from Flywheel/barre, what other workouts do you do?
I believe in variety, shocking your body so you don’t hit a plateau, so I try to get into as many classes around town as I can with my limited time. I opt for yoga at Atlanta Hot Yoga, Fast Twitch at The Forum, and running on the BeltLine with my dogs.

I love Fast Twitch and BeltLine running, but I’m still scared of hot yoga. Last question–I know you’re low-maintenance, but  do you have any beauty product must-haves?
This is sadly a hard one for me! My go-to is just Bare Minerals powder foundation and mascara (any brand you throw at me because I have NO idea what I am looking for). I love to get pretty, but walking into a Sephora or a beauty department  for me is like a beauty queen with an overflowing Caboodle walking into the weight room for the first time; I don’t know where to start!

We can help with that.

Stay tuned for Cara’s first post next week. And Atlanta friends: She is doing an awesome health teaching Wednesday, June 5 ($20 drop-in) if you’re interested in educating yourself and learning about how to get healthier  in a casual, non-intimidating setting. Click HERE for the details.

*Second photo courtesy of Lululemon Athletica. 

The post Q&A: Cara Weaver appeared first on Witty + Pretty.

Now I know some of you losers fine folks actually love New Year’s resolutions and some of you loathe them, but let’s all agree they NEVER WORK.

Show me the bastard who sets decent resolutions and keeps them a full year. It has never happened in the history of humans. UNTIL NOW. Maybe.

First and foremost, there is one word that singlehandedly ruins resolutions. If you use it, you will fail. I’ll reveal this word shortly, but first, I will present ten resolutions you can do to improve your life VASTLY. As if that is even a word. Vastly. WTF?

10. Quit something for one month

One of the stupid problems with resolutions is they technically must last for one year. LIKE HELL. Won’t happen. Unless you are a monk. I think monks do things for one year. Huh? So all you have to do is quit something for ONE MONTH.

I suggest smoking, Bagel Bites, Facebook, shopping at Marshall’s, porn, spray tanning, TV on Mondays and Tuesdays, selfies, weed, Waffle House, or talking negative about other people.

I also suggest you do it in February because it has the fewest days (28). I am literally a math genius. Anybody can give up something for one month. It is a good challenge, will give you confidence, and might start a new habit (or break an old one). PS, that 21-days-to-start-a-habit thing is complete bullshit. I made my bed every day for a whole year in 2009 and haven’t made it since.

9. Don’t eat potatoes for two months

I dare you to try and not eat potatoes for two months. If you accomplish this, you will lose weight. The carb thing confuses the piss out of me and we all know about sugar and whatever, but if you simply give up potatoes, you will see results. This eliminates French fries, potato chips (DUH), hash browns, and a harem of other fried potato disasters. Do it, you lard ass. Oh and while you’re at it, give up mayonnaise. It is useless.

8.  Learn something.

“If you aren’t growing, you are dying,” said some self-help guru with amazing hair.

However, it is true (and I don’t have great hair). My suggestion is to sign up for a weekend seminar on ANYTHING over the next 12 months. Just do it. You will learn something (unless you are really dumb) and make new friends, which leads me to number 8…

7. Stop hanging out with douchebags.

The same yahoo self-help hair guy probably said “You are who you hang out with,” or something magical along those lines. Point being, if you hang out with deadbeat meth-heads who wear baggy jeans and have face sores, then you are probably a deadbeat meth-head wearing bagging jeans with face sores.

If you hang out with rich assholes who wear Ralph Lauren socks and drive Porches, then you are probably rich. If you are not where (or who) you want to be in life, find some people who are and hang out with them. It will change your life and your socks.

6. Get a divorce.

 Hey. You know you’re miserable, and it is way more fun not being married than being married to an a-hole you have hated since the second year of marriage. Get a divorce, move to a busy city, and try alcohol. You can thank me later.

5. Send a holiday card to 40 people NOT DURING CHRISTMAS HOLIDAYS.

People love getting holiday cards (ish). They get a ton around Christmas and then they run out of space to display them and throw them all away on January 3. You will send yours on a different random holiday. It will blow everyone’s minds or confirm you are mental (probably both). I suggest Cinco de Mayo, Presidents Day, Flag Day, 4^th of July, or just do a Christmas card in August.  Hell, make up a holiday and write “Happy Whatever Holiday from (insert your dumb name here)”. Go to walgreens.com and choose the cheapest fanciest design.

4. Keep dental floss sticks in your car.

 You know those fancy plastic contraptions with the built-in floss? Of course you do. You could use one right now.

Spend the $1.23 for a boatload of them and keep them in arms reach of your drivers seat. You can whip one out whilst driving, which A) Gets all that nasty shit out of your teeth regularly, and B) Gives you something positive to do instead of sexting and driving. It could save your life and prevent gum rot like your meth-head friends.

3. Don’t eat meat one day a week.

Americans eat way too much meat. There is a reason we are the unhealthiest people on Earth, and part of that algebraic formula is because we think we need to eat meat with every meal. Horse shit. I am not saying become a vegan, stop shaving your bush, and never wear leather again; I’m just saying meat will kill you. Don’t believe me? Read the book The China Study. And by read, I mean skim that bitch because it is half a billion pages long.

However, ol’ boy who wrote it PROVES that meat causes cancer. Ever wonder why those freaks in Asia are so damn healthy and never get cancer? They don’t eat MEAT. Plus the meat we eat is a disaster. I dare you to YouTube “Meet your Meat”. You will be a vegetarian for at least two months and/or just throw up on your computer.

2. Eat a banana every day.

The oldest living man in the world claims to be alive and healthy because he eats a banana every day. I’m not suggesting anyone would ever WANT to live to 115. That’s like being 90 years old for 25 years. (MATH GENIUS). Plus, all your relatives and friends would be dead. I’ll pass.

So maybe eat a banana five days a week. They also have a ton of potassium which battles hangovers, so you are going to need that when you get a divorce and start getting drunk every night. What? Also, bananas are helpful if you need to practice oral sex, which you can never be too good at. Here is proof.

1. Write yourself a love letter once a month.

And mail it. The one thing humans lack the most is self-love. If everyone loved and believed in themselves more, the world would be an euphoric den of bliss and joy. Therefore, I suggest you write yourself a love letter once a month.

Then you should mail it to yourself, so you have to physically open it and read it again. If you don’t have enough money for postage, please refer to #8. Keep all the letters in a shoebox and read them every year. You girls will probably want to down a bottle of white zin whilst reading. And cry.

If you are looking for a few more ideas, get a swallow of these honorable mentions:

-Get day drunk once a month because there is no better joy than being inebriated during daylight hours. The bonus is you usually pass out by 10 p.m., which gives you a 64% chance of not being hungover the next day. I suggest Saturdays. I also suggest Vodka.

-Don’t drink Red Bull; that crack is straight poison.

-Cut your stupid toenails once a month, you sick freak.

-Sell something on Ebay. Anything. Just do it.

-Stop doing shots (good luck; it will never happen but you would feel amazing and remember the previous night).

-Never stay out anywhere past 1:30 a.m. Nothing positive will happen, I promise.

-Stop hooking up with your loser ex after 1:30 a.m.

-Quit texting nude pics.

–Do a juice cleanse.

-Buy a new sex toy and use it, either with a partner or alone.

-Give a homeless person a sandwich.

-Hit on a stranger once a week.

Now, I’m sure you’re DYING TO KNOW what the magical word is that ruins all New Year’s resolutions. As I stated before, this single word guarantees failure when used in resolution making. And the word is: MORE. Yeah, more. More is the word. More.

If you say you are going to do “more” of something such as exercise, read, masturbate, or snorkel, you will fail.  This is because you cannot measure more. More. What a stupid word. You need to replace the word MORE with exactly what you are going to do so you can either do it or not do it. For example, “I am going to eat more cheese.”

Change that to: “I am going to eat seven pounds of cheese every Wednesday.” How about, “I’m going to give my douchebag boyfriend more hand jobs.” That should be: “I will give my douchebag boyfriend two hand jobs a week if he does the dishes instead of playing video games.”

That’s right, hand jobs are making a comeback this year.

Have a fantastic 2022, you heathens.

The post New Year’s Resolutions That Aren’t Stupid [2022 List] appeared first on Witty + Pretty.

One particular sentence — “Apparently there is a whole country full of young women who don’t know how to call a cab” — particularly enraged me for its flippant generalization of women not knowing how to say no or remove themselves from dangerous situations.

That mentality is so problematic because it places all the responsibility on the female and doesn’t account for how dangerous men can be.

There are masses of men roaming our streets who turn into complete monsters when rejected (even politely!), and even an assertive female like myself can feel fearful of a man in an intimate situation, so I can only imagine the paralysis of fear a more passive woman would experience.

Not to mention all the other psychological factors of how women have been taught to act in sexual situations, but I’m not going to delve into that now. So originally I was all, FUCK YOU! to anyone blaming this girl and saying what she should have done like it’s so goddamn easy.

And then I read the full article. And I was like, Oh…wow…ok. This is a messy one.

First of all, I will say this: I do not think the story Grace shared qualifies as “sexual assault” and I completely understand how women who have been raped/assaulted/Weinstein’d-in-the-workplace felt insulted by it, and they are justified in that.

I don’t necessarily agree with Grace’s decision to do this exposé, and on top of that, I think Babe.com’s reporting and lumping it into the #MeToo movement was also irresponsible and a missed opportunity for a different, important conversation (and I encourage you to read this great Guardian piece about that if you’re interested).

But regardless, I’m glad for the conversation it has sparked around consensual sex and the discussion of the “gray area.”

I think what happened here is totally commonplace, but by no means does that make it ok. We have a starstruck, naive 22-year-old going out with a 33-year-old celebrity, and that ALONE should tell you who has more responsibility in this scenario. My take is that she went into this date with totally unrealistic expectations (again, naivety) and lacking the tools needed (like confidence and self-worth) to tell herself she didn’t deserve what was happening and to get out.

It’s really easy for confident 30+ women to look down on this 20-something and shake their head condescendingly at her actions, but I think we do need to examine not only the age structure in this situation, but power structure as well. And we should never judge someone’s actions until we truly try to put ourselves in their shoes.

Grace had many opportunities to get out of the situation with Aziz, and without harm. From her account, he was acting like a total creep and sexual predator, but not dangerously.

Her exit may have been awkward, but she would have left unscathed. It’s sad to think she felt uncomfortable but stayed because she was hoping for more (romance, a relationship, who knows), that was clearly not on his radar at all. I can confidently say I would never find myself in a similar situation at this point in my life — the second I felt uncomfortable, I’d be out of there.

I’d like to think I would have acted the same way at 22, but I’ve never been in that situation with a celebrity who was 10 years my senior in his stunning Manhattan apartment….when just hours before I was picking out the perfect outfit he’d fall head over heels for me in.

This wasn’t just a stranger from the bar. In fact, quite the opposite — this was one of America’s sweetheart comedians.

And that’s where I find so much fault with Aziz’s actions. He was a 33 (or 34) year-old man at the time. He’s famous. He’s not aloof.

He has built an entire brand on love and relationships, so I don’t want to hear how his only fault is that he “couldn’t read her mind” (thanks NY Times!) — he’s literally THE GUY who should be able to assess an intimate situation. I find myself cringing at some of the details of that night from Grace’s end (ahem, blowjob), but find myself angrier at this famous man who seems to have manipulated a weaker partner in the name of getting laid.

It’s safe to say he’s probably not the gentlemanly “woke bae” you once thought he was. I know people have a hard time accepting someone they thought to be a hero turning out to be a creep, but hey, time to get used to it, right?

So, let’s talk about the problem at hand. First of all, men need to get their shit together when it comes to sex. Honestly, you shouldn’t even be trying to pull out your porn moves with someone on the first date unless she has explicitly asked for it.

I’m so sick of the male coddling and excusing — if you’re truly one of these “clueless” dudes who can’t tell whether or not you’re forcing something on a woman against her will, then you need to be EXTRA verbal in the bedroom/on the marble countertop (“Is this ok?”, “Should we move slower?”, “Are you comfortable?”, NEED I GO ON?!). I could give tips and tricks for not sexually assaulting women all day long, but I think we all know this boils down to entitlement, and that’s a bigger conversation the #MeToo movement has sparked and I hope every single father out there with a young son realizes he is responsible for addressing.

As for the ladies, I’m tiptoeing around this one because I don’t want to victim blame, but females need to stop accepting unacceptable behavior. Period.

What happened between Grace and Aziz is a classic case of a girl wanting love and affection and a guy just wanting sex, and females need to be aware that (unfortunately) those situations are going to happen to them, and they need to know how and when to exit because they don’t deserve it.

Parents need to instill these values in their girls, and stronger, more assertive girls need to build up their more passive friends. It’s a sad moment when you go out with a guy you were hoping to date, and realize they just want to fuck you, but we have literally ALL BEEN THERE, and we need to realize our own self-worth in those moments and decide what we want, what we don’t want, and speak up.

And just so we’re clear — I don’t think all men are dangerous/creepy/rapey, not even by a long shot. I have been so lucky to have had dates and relationships with guys who showed me the utmost respect and never once made me feel threatened.

So thanks to those guys — maybe they should go teach Consent Seminars in Hollywood.

The post About This Whole Aziz Thing… appeared first on Witty + Pretty.

It comes courtesy of a friend who I both love and hate because she posts pictures that make me hate my life since I’m not eating what’s she’s eating, force me to lick my computer screen (not recommended), and give me multiple foodgasms.

Friends, meet culinary queen Parker Wallace of What’s On Parker’s Plate as seen on CBS Atlanta.

Of course, I made her do the ever-so-popular Duck Face Turkey Leg Selfie (which I’m surprised we’ve never seen Paula Deen post on Instagram):

The decadent dishes and desserts she makes are, in a word, ridiculous. Oh, that was two words. She also claims to eat the food she makes (well most of it; some of it she just feeds to her badass boyfriend) and stays thin. I know. WTF.

But she’s going to reveal how she makes that magic happen in her e-cookbook “Eat Rich, Stay Skinny,” debuting December 1. In the meantime, feast on the photos below.

Guacamole and Cream Cheese Stuffed Bacon Bites

I mean…what?! Who even thinks of that!? From here on out, I refuse to eat bacon unless it’s stuffed with guac.

Bourbon Banana Bread (recipe)

Bourbon for breakfast? Duh. Good luck going back to regular banana bread after knowing this exists.

Zero Carb Chicken (pork rind and parmesan crust)

Greatest food invention since the sandwich? I THINK SO.

Jambalaya and Cornbread

How do I put this? I WANT TO RUB THIS ALL OVER MY FACE.

Bite Sized Chocolate Chip Cookies (made with sweetened condensed milk)

In Parker’s words, “hot gooey damn.” If God himself baked cookies in heaven, I think this is what he would make. (Wait, do you think he does?)

Chili-laya (recipe)

Good God. Also, I guarantee there’s a little ghetto girl out there named Chili-laya.

Pork Roulades Stuffed With Mushroom Apple Chutney, Pine Nuts and Smoked Gouda

Pork. Wrapped in bacon. Stuffed with cheese. (Don’t worry, the mushrooms and apples make it healthy.)

Maple Sweet Potatoes with Caramelized Onion and Bacon (recipe)

I make sweet potatoes all the time. They look like dog sh*t compared to this.

Mexican Man Breakfast (puff pastry stuffed with cheese, topped with seasoned ground beef, roasted corn and jalapeños, homemade guacamole and salsa)

I had to put on my stretchy pants just to look at this photo.

Punkin’ Pie with Gingerbread Crust

Can we all agree that pumpkin pie should never NOT be made with gingerbread crust?

Roasted Walnut and Gorgonzola Stuffed Figs Wrapped in Proscuitto

Again with the rapping wrapping! Parker is the Jay-Z of cooking with meat.

And in case you haven’t climaxed yet…

The OMG Bars (recipe)

You just humped the screen, didn’t you?

Stay tuned for more #PornByParker and info on her e-book. And follow her on Instagram @parkersplate (if you think you can handle it).

LYLAS,
Ashley

The post Hardcore Food Porn in 12 Photos appeared first on Witty + Pretty.

It’s totally acceptable if…

1. You get legitimately pissed off (like, could slap a stranger on the street) and consider marching right back into the nail salon when your gel nail chips after one week. Uh…hello, gel nails! You’re going to give us all HAND CANCER; the LEAST you can do is not chip for 14 days or more. I don’t think that’s asking too much.

2. You’re a bitch to an ex dude when he tries to hook up late night.

And then you laugh like this.

3. You have to leave a party early because you get an adult tummy-ache from eating too many sweets. When you tell your friend, “We have to leave, like, now,” she’s all, “Whaa? We just got here!” Then you’re forced to tell her the truth, because if not, she’ll think you have diarrhea or just want to go hook up with your ex.

4. You roll down the windows, blare Carly Rae Jepsen’s “Call Me Maybe,” and sing at the top of your lungs. At a red light. In traffic. And do the awkward, white girl, upper body dance.

5. You think it’s completely insane ridiculous that people are actually calling Brad and Angelina “America’s Royal Couple.”

We all know that’s Beyonce and Jay-Z.

Have a great weekend, everyone! Do some things you’re proud of! LYLAS,

Ash

The post Five Things That Are Totally Acceptable appeared first on Witty + Pretty.

She made this turquoise beauty for me and I basically didn’t take it off for a month (except to work out and shower). Even though it’s so bold, it goes with everything and magically completes every outfit!
Even next to a horse’s ass, its beauty still shines through!
(Just another night on the Atlanta bar scene.)

I loved the necklace so much, Lisa named it after me: The Turquoise Hess (contact them for pricing).

I’m also obsessed with this spiked stunner, which I like to call The Bad Date Necklace. If you have a first and/or blind date and aren’t sure how it’s going to pan out, wear this to ensure he gets nowhere close to making out with you and your neck area. If you do want to play tonsil hockey, just casually remove it and give him a wink (he’ll get the point).

I can’t sing enough praises about L George Designs. She is seriously blowing up in the accessory world and I think every gal should own one of her pieces (celeb secret: Beyonce’s bass player owns a necklace and is obsessed).

Atlanta friends, you can come check out the collection THIS Wednesday with a special trunk show at The Spa at the Four Seasons (we gettin’ fancy, y’all!) from 7-9 p.m. There will be free champagne and snacks (magic words), tunes from DJ Cannonball (read: my good friend Trey and the 187th ranked DJ in the tri-state area), lots of gorgeous, never-before-seen jewels to try on, and you can meet The Necklace Whisperer herself. Check out the Witty + Pretty Facebook page to view the flyer and I hope to see you there getting pretty!

LYLAS,
Ashley

The post Jewelry Porn: Pieces From The Necklace Whisperer appeared first on Witty + Pretty.

They were everything I hoped they’d be and more.

See? They even make babies happy. (Not my child, btw.)

These lovelies are currently on sale for $50 (!!!), but there’s only a large left. If you’re tall (5’8 or above) and wear a size 8 or above, the large will work for you. I got a medium, but would totally sport the large for a baggier look. FYI: Oversized clothing is coming in hot for fall.

Check out some other gems from South Moon:

Tolani chevron print pants ($174) / Ark & Co. Hawaiian print pants ($69) / Flying Tomato tropical tribal print pants ($50) / Flying Tomato neon tribal pants ($64)

Palazzos are perfect with crop tops (this Alternative piece is money), simple tanks (even tuck in and belt like this), or form-fitting tees. Then in the fall, you can transition them with chambray! Depending on the length of the pant, you can do flats OR platforms/wedges. And the best part: They’re loose and airy (read: less risk for a swamp ass situation).

So grow get a pair.

LYLAS,
Ashley

The post Printed Palazzo Pants [2022 Summer Obsession] appeared first on Witty + Pretty.

I packed up the ol’ pickup truck and went to Walmart AGAIN to stock up on beauty products. JK, I don’t have a pickup truck, but Jimmy Fallon does, therefore I want one. I digress.

This time at Walmart, I snagged TEN things for under $80, and had to come home, dump them out, and preach the budget beauty gospel.

About the products…

1. Nivea Crème Moisture moisturizing body wash ($4.97):

This superior, ultra creamy body wash is going to keep your skin touchable soft well into 2017 because the bottle is 17 metric tons. Ok actually it’s only 25.4 fl oz, which is also 750 mL, which is also the same size of a bottle of wine. I knew I loved this stuff.

2. Nivea Smooth Sensation body lotion ($5-6):

Follow your creamy cleansing with this and people will literally be trying to skin you to make a silk blouse. What?

3. Eucerin Intensive Repair hand crème ($4.66):

A must-have for fall/winter unless you like to use your bare hands to sand down furniture. At under a 5-spot, you can buy a bunch and keep them everywhere.

4. Neutrogena Visibly Even daily moisturizer ($13.97):

Verdict is in: This is a solid product. It goes on light and truly does even out your skin tone whilst protecting you from the sun’s harmful rays. If you have SUPER dry skin, it may not be enough for the winter, but normal and combo complexions will love it for everyday.

5. L’oreal Youth Code Pore Vanisher ($17.97):

I’ve only used this a few times but I can say that it does make a difference in the appearance of my skin. It smooths everything out and definitely minimizes the look of pores (I mean, with a name like VANISHER it better). It also has a tint so can act as a lightweight BB cream! I don’t wear a ton of makeup, so I put this on with a little under-eye concealer and blush and VOILA: Me and my invisible pores are ready to go.

But first, let me take a #smelfie.

6. Simple Cleansing Facial Wipes ($4.97):

I’m a huge fan of cleansing wipes, as is any gal who likes to party but knows the importance of taking off her face before bed. And Simple is my favorite because it removes all the gunk, but is easy on the skin with zero harsh chemicals, artificial perfumes, or dyes. Seriously, why do other companies perfume these things? No woman ever said she wanted her T-zone to smell like CK One.

7. L’oreal Miss Manga ($6.97):

Look, I’m a believer in splurging on top-notch mascara, but if you’re shopping in the under-$10 range, this is one of your best bets. It gives you dramatic, voluminous lashes with little clumpage (is clumpage a word?). That pink and black tube tho…

8. Revlon Colorstay Gel Envy nail enamel ($4.97):

This. Is. THE WINNER. These polishes go on a little thick, but still smooth. Do two coats of color then the topcoat (no base coat needed). It looks as glossy as gel, and my mani lasted a full two weeks, then came right off with acetone (no tin foil or scraping needed). I’ll admit I was skeptical, but I’m a total believer now.

All of that plus an ink cartridge and mouse traps (don’t ask ) and I still walked out of Walmart at under a hundy.

LYLAS,
Ashley

Every woman has her own unique way of showing her beauty. At Walmart discover the latest products and most trusted brands at everyday low prices, so you can save money and live beautifully.

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Chances are, you either just smiled fondly at the thought of (or looked down at) your very own, exaggeratedly rolled your eyes and/or gagged, or wondered WTF this thing is.

For you latter folks, I’ll let Wiki inform you: A push present (also known as a push gift, baby mama gift or baby bauble) is a present a father gives to the mother to mark the occasion of her giving birth to their child. In practice the present may be given before or after the birth, or even in the delivery room. The giving of push presents has supposedly grown in the United States in recent years. 

In other words: Give birth, get a gift (other than the baby).

See also: Rachel Zoe.

This whole push present discussion began in my circle when I posted this Facebook status:

That’s right. As I was waiting at a popular Buckhead lunch spot for the valet to bring around my 2003 Xterra they hid down the street, two ladies were walking to their shiny white SUVs parked in front when one lady motioned to her Mercedes G-class and announced to her friend, “So this was my push present,” followed by, “And this, too” as she flashed a sparkly right hand ring.

And that’s when I ran her over. In my head.

I asked my FB pals to weigh in…

…and that they did (sans dicktures). Comments ran the gamut:

“It’s not a Southern thing. I have a friend who gets Tiffany diamond stackable rings for each kid, another who gets Hermes jewelry. It’s ridiculous. And I have a strong and unpopular opinion that it’s just another way for needy women to get presents for doing something that women have been doing for thousands of years.”

“My push present was a bowl of queso. It was amazing.”

“I mean, if you get gifts for hosting parties, why not for hosting another human being in your body for nine months? Personally my husband bought me jewelry after both. Unexpected but very appreciated. He says it was a thank you for doing ‘that.’ He thinks men get a huge pass and the least they can do is say thanks officially.”

“It’s not a southern thing, it’s a rich people thing… have you ever heard of a push present that wasn’t jewelry or diamonds or cars, etc.? “Congratulations honey! I got you some base layer tank tops from The GAP”…”

“When I married my husband, that was my present; when I had kids, they were my presents. Push presents are stupid.”

“I don’t judge a woman that gets a push present. I only judge a woman that expects a push present.” (From a man)

“I did get a Rolex for ‘sorry you had to get cut open.’ I didn’t expect it but I was so touched my hubby had thought about it before. I plan on giving the watch to my daughter when she’s old enough.” 

“Mine was a LV purse and honey I deserved it! Push gifts are becoming more and more common to serve as a “thank you” for having gone through the entire pregnancy/delivery process. Push gifts range from diamonds and designer labels, to experiences like a vacation, to something sentimental like a bracelet engraved with your baby’s name.”

“I’m 0 for 2 on push presents. Pretty sure I’m supposed to consider the baby my present.”

“I think Push Presents are perfectly fine and people should buy according to what they can afford. After carrying a baby for nine months, pushing it out, then probably being it’s first go-to for the next 25 years….heck yea I should get a push present! People only think it’s bad because of the name. Just think of it as a first Mother’s Day gift.” 

“Definitely not a fan. Just another way to try to get people to equate love and pride with spending money.”

For the record, Beyonce reportedly did get one in the form of a blue sapphire ring:

And Snooki received a Pandora bracelet because apparently her husband mistook her giving birth for high school graduation.

It’s clearly a nation motherhood divided on this one. And it seems some mothers may not know exactly which side they’re on until they receive or don’t receive a post-birth gift. I definitely didn’t see any moms saying, “Yeah, he gave me a diamond ring, but I was like, ‘Honey take that back! Breastfeeding this child and not sleeping for the next 6+ months is the only gift I need.’”

I will say this; if I am ever going to GET FAT AND NOT DRINK FOR NINE MONTHS, I think I’m deserving of a trip (via private jet) to my own tropical island stocked with vodka, nachos, puppies, and Sam Smith live serenading me the entire time.

But no one ever said I was ready for motherhood.

Whether you love them, hate them, or aren’t sure yet, how about we implement these Five Golden Rules:

1. For the love of God, can we stop calling it a push present? I literally picture a Tiffany’s box being pushed out of a vagina. If a man wants to show his appreciation for his lady giving birth, can’t it simply be known as a gift from a thoughtful husband, just like he would send you flowers or take you out to dinner for landing a promotion at work? I think these gifts having a name at all is tacky.

Which brings me to…

2. If you’re bragging to your friends that you got a Mercedes and/or a 7-carat diamond and/or a Hermes diaper bag for a push present over lunch your lettuce plate, please punch yourself in the face.

3. Ladies, try not to expect them, and for the love of God, don’t compare them to your friends’. Every man and every family is different. You know there are ladies out there who get Bentleys and Birkins for giving birth and their husbands are total pieces of shit, while plenty of other moms are happily eating those bowls of celebratory queso with loving husbands and fathers by their sides. Mmmm, queso…

4. If you know a father-to-be who probably has no clue what a “post-birth gift” is all about, and you think his baby mama may be the type to want appreciate one, maybe slip him a hint and let him make the call. Or better yet, send him this blog.

5. Guys, if you’re going to do it, sentimental jewelry seems to be the way to go. Also queso.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to take my birth control with a glass of vodka.

LYLAS,
Ashley

The post What Real Women Really Think About ‘Push Presents’ appeared first on Witty + Pretty.